Does this scenario sound familiar?
It has been a long day at work and you haven’t had a chance to even glance at your phone. When you finally have a second to sit at your desk, you glance down and notice several notifications. Your husband or boyfriend has called you several times and sent numerous texts. You immediately worry that something is wrong, or that he will be upset that you haven’t responded.
Instead of taking a moment to relax, you call him, ready to explain and justify your absence. He answers with a clearly annoyed tone, keeps his responses short, and says he obviously is not a priority to you.
After ending the call, you go back to work, but are distracted for the rest of the day, worried about how he will react when you get home.
You are worried about the tension and the argument that will likely ensue. And you feel guilty for not responding to his calls sooner. You make up an excuse for why you need to leave early, and rush home to try to smooth things over with him before he gets more upset.
But, as with previous incidents, no matter what you say, he feels that you have mistreated or disrespected him. He is either aggressive or backs away completely. And you are left trying to figure out how to apologize and fix the situation. The next day, you carry your phone with you throughout the work day, to make sure you do not miss any of his calls.
This pattern of behavior may not seem overtly abusive. In fact, it’s incredibly common.