Over the past 15 years, I have worked with thousands of survivors of domestic violence, who experienced incredible pain and turmoil in their journey to safety and freedom. But, I have found that the most distraught people I talk with are often not the survivors themselves, but their friends and family — who are often plagued with anger, guilt, and confusion.
At least one in four women and one in seven men has been abused by a current or former intimate partner. This means we all know someone who has been, or who is currently being, abused. An abusive relationship can be difficult to detect in the beginning, since abusers often appear charming and kind at first. It may start as subtle jealousy and isolation, but soon escalate to controlling and threatening behavior, and eventually physical and sexual violence.
It can be frightening to realize that someone we care about is in danger, and it often makes us feel helpless. If you recognize these warning signs in someone’s relationship, you are not alone, and there are ways you can help.
1. Tell them you are worried about them. When said with compassion, and without judgment, this statement lets them know that you care, and may also help them feel less alone. Abuse causes immense isolation, and it’s possible you may be the only person they are able to talk with. They may also be starting to question, and be concerned about, some of their partner’s behaviors. Letting them know that you are worried shows that they aren’t just imagining it — as the abuser would like them to believe — and that someone else is actually concerned about their safety, as well.