We hear and read stories of men abusing the women they claim to care about all the time. We may have even seen abuse in our own families, communities – or experienced it in our own lives. People often wonder how a woman could ever fall in love with an abusive man. We often ask, “How did she not know?” But, the fact is that abusers are not hitting someone on the first date. In fact, they can often hide their abusive tendencies for a long time – as long as they believe they need to.
Abusive men tend to be very charming and kind in the beginning of the relationship. They overplay positive characteristics. They seem extremely interested in their date’s interests, family, friends, and hobbies. They are charismatic, kind, and respectful.
An abusive partner will eventually start to control who you speak to, what you wear, what you do with your free time, and how you behave.
They will want to commit quickly, so they can have more control over your life. They will tell you the abuse is your fault and that they will change if you just love them more, behave better, or do something differently – all of which is manipulation. But, these signs often are not present in the very beginning. Abusers know how to be charming. They know how to play the role of a caring partner.
But, there is one personality trait that may help you identify an abuser sooner. In fact, you may even be able to spot this trait on the very first date.